self-love-65693_640

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” Narcissists are great con-artists. After all, they succeed in deluding themselves. As a result, very few professionals see through them.” anonymous

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Introduction

During my life, I have met many kinds of people. What I have learned is that it is very important to understand the people you interact with on a regular basis.

If you interact with and form relationships with the wrong types of people you can live a difficult life, chained to a very toxic personality type(s). This type of person can negatively impact your entire life if you are not careful.

The purpose of this post is to provide the reader with insight into one particular type of personality. This person is commonly called a Narcissist.

Narcissists fall on a continuum. At one end of the continuum is a healthy narcissist.For example, this person may have received an award for best actor in a play. They tell all their friends about it in social media. This person simply shared their accomplishment with their friends. They didn’t hurt anyone in the process. This type of narcissism is called healthy narcissism. On the other end of the continuum is the person that exhibits unhealthy narcissism, or put another way pathological narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is included as a part of pathological narcissism. This is the type of person that hurts other people either physically and/or mentally in their professional and personal life.

For purposes of this blog, we will focus on the pathological narcissist. This is the type of person who has  a grandiose sense of themselves and who puts his or her own needs in front of anyone else. This person has little empathy for others.

It is often stated that one needs to love oneself before they can love anyone else. This is not the focus of this post.

Learning and understanding various personality types is directly related to and  impacts personal development.

Definition Of A Narcissist

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines someone who is a Narcissist as “a person who is overly concerned with his or her own desires, needs, or interests.”

How Does Someone Become A Narcissist?

  • They have parents that were either too critical or too indulging.

Too Critical

The too critical parent is the type of parent that will always be disparaging of their child. This will    make the child feel unworthy and unloved. The child will often think they need to be perfect to obtain their parents’ approval and love. To overcompensate for these feelings of inferiority, the child will compensate  and adopt a personality of superiority and dominance, two traits of a Narcissist.

Too Indulgent

There is also the self-indulging parent who tries to do everything to satisfy their child by putting them on a pedestal. As the child grows up, they become someone that has a false sense of entitlement because their parents’ spoiled them.

  • They were abused, neglected or deprived especially in their early childhood.

Other Factors

It is especially difficult for a child to grow up in this type of background. This child was not given unconditional love. To overcome these terrible feelings about oneself, this person will overcompensate and adopt various traits of a Narcissist including the need for an extreme amount of admiration and exploiting others.

  • Sometimes it relates to genetics although they haven’t identified the genes that cause narcissism.

Many authorities use the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association, to diagnose mental conditions. DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality  disorder include these characteristics.

  • Grandiosity
  • Arrogance and Dominance
  • Preoccupation with Success and Power
  • Lack of Empathy
  • Belief in Being Unique
  • Sense of Entitlement
  • Require Excessive Admiration
  • Exploiting Others
  • Envious of Others

Although a narcissist may have some or most of these traits, it is important to realize that these traits were developed as a result of the hurt and humiliation that the child experienced when growing up. Consequently, the narcissist compartmentalized the horrible memories he/she suffered as a child. Equally significant, he/she created a false facade of himself/herself with some or many of the above listed traits.

The fundamental problem with a Narcissist is even though on the outside they appear to be “okay,” they are people with really low self-esteem and have been damaged in their early childhood. The Narcissist is really full of shame and self-doubt due to their upbringing.

The Narcissist can experience trouble in their personal and professional relationships. This is the result of their having no interest in the  needs of others, only in their own needs.

In their working relationships, they will have a difficult time being told what to do by a superior since they must be in control at all times. It is not uncommon for a Narcissist to be changing jobs frequently.

In their personal relationships, when they think someone challenges them, they oftentimes will lash out at that other person for the slightest provocation. The Narcissist can act so mean and angry when he/she is challenged as they don’t want to face the painful repressed memories of their childhood. Therefore when challenged, the Narcissist can lie and be manipulative to gain an advantage over others. Since they lack empathy for others, their relationships remain superficial, rather than the more positive relationship where a level of intimacy develops.

How a Narcissist Can Negatively Impact Your Personal Development

  • By putting you down  you may begin to doubt your self-worth, which stifles your own growth
  • Your needs will not be met
  • You may feel very sad when you realize your Narcissist has no love for you
  • You may be unable to voice how you really feel
  • You may be uncomfortable with your Narcissist knowing that if you disagree with he/she that you may experience his/her rage
  • You may lose precious time in your life if you don’t realize you are with a Narcissist, as they are excellent actors and can hide their duplicity from you

How To Protect Yourself

  • Know what you are dealing with
  • Determine if the relationship benefits outweigh the liabilities and act accordingly
  • To the extent you are aware that the Narcissist is negatively impacting your sense of well being, evaluate the relationship and proceed accordingly

Summary

It is important to recognize detrimental personality types before and/or during you become involved with them.

This personality type can negatively impact your personal development.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Introduction

In this complex world we live in, there is a special quality that can play a pivotal role in our personal development. That quality is called “resourcefulness.”

Resourcefulness can be found in all walks of life. Some examples include entrepreneurs in business, our soldiers on the battlefield and our medical staff in our emergency rooms. We all possess this quality however the level of resourcefulness varies from one individual to another.

I am reminded of one of my favorite books that I read as a child called Robinson Crusoe. In this book, Robinson Crusoe is shipwrecked on a deserted tropical island and successfully survives for years. He learns to adapt and uses the material he finds to make weapons and tools for his shelter and food. Without his resourcefulness, he would never have survived.

I am also reminded of my Boy Scout experience where I learned a set of skills which I practiced until I gained proficiency. As I increased by competency in the various skills (such as tying knots), I developed and gained confidence in myself and learned how to be resourceful. Through this experience, I attained a level of personal growth.

Are you aware of anyone who has demonstrated resourcefulness in their life?

Are you aware of the key characteristics that someone possesses who you consider to be resourceful?

In this post we will try to point out what it takes to be resourceful and how having this quality can have a major impact on your life. More »

Introduction

What quality makes some people more successful than others?

What quality makes some people accomplish their goals while others fall short?

That quality is motivation.

Motivation is needed for people to lead a productive life and is a key ingredient in our personal development.

I am reminded of the story of JK Rowling. Having endured years of poverty, divorce from her first husband and the death of her mother, through sheer motivation she was able to complete the renowned Harry Potter series. As most people know, she became one of England’s and the world’s most famous novelists. She also became one of the richest women in the world.

Definition of Motivation

Webster’s Dictionary defines motivation as “the act or process of giving someone a reason for doing something.”

Ways to Motivate Ourselves

  • Set a large goal – setting a large goal can be self-motivating
  • Set smaller goals to keep you on track. Small successes are self- perpetuating.
  • Get out of your comfort zone – confronting and overcoming your fears can create a lot of motivation.
  • Embrace failure and try to learn from your mistakes.
  • Have strong enough reasons for doing something.
  • Find out what makes you happy and do that as much as possible.

Summation

For motivation to succeed, you must create it and feel it within yourself.

Motivation is a major force in one’s life and allows you to achieve your goals.

Motivation is a key determinant  in one’s personal development.

In order to live a more fulfilling  and productive life, try following some of the previously mentioned ways of motivating yourself.

 

 

Introduction

What is creativity and how can it benefit us?

These are some of the questions people ask themselves when delving into this particular subject.

There are many different types of creativity.

Creativity can be found in the arts, in the sciences, in business and in personal situations.

In other words, creativity encompasses all walks of life.

Some people think that creativity is something we are either born with or not.

But creativity is something we all possess, albeit in varying degrees, and it definitely has a positive impact in regard to our personal development.

We have all read countless stories of people like Leonardo Da Vinci, one of the greatest painters in Italy during the Renaissance or of Dr. Jonas Salk, one of the greatest medical researchers who discovered the vaccine for polio or of Bill Gates, one of the world’s most influential businessmen who founded a software company called Microsoft that revolutionized the way we use computers. These are examples of highly visible people who used their creativity to enhance people’s lives. More »

Introduction

” With self-discipline most anything is possible” Theodore Roosevelt

What is the reason some people are successful and others are not?

There is one answer and that is successful people employ self-discipline to achieve their goals and objectives whereas unsuccessful people do not.

Self-discipline can play a significant role in personal development and can be used in many areas of our life including financial, health and athletics.

I am reminded of the time when I was a child and I loved baseball. When I began learning how to hit a baseball, I was not that good. But I used to go to a park near my home (which had a baseball field) and every chance I got, I would try to get into a game with the other kids in the neighborhood. Even when there wasn’t a game to get into, I would take my bat and hit baseballs all day long. Practicing for hours every day honed my skill and I became a very good baseball hitter.  If it wasn’t for my passion coupled with my self-discipline, I would never have attained the tremendous skill I acquired in hitting a baseball.

There is a lesson I learned from my baseball experience – many things you want in life can be attained with the right amount of self-discipline. More »

Introduction

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit.” Napoleon Hill

Adversity is a part of the human condition. No one goes through their life without encountering setbacks at one time or another.

Some of these setbacks can be more serious than others such as the loss of a loved one, financial loss and/or the loss of one’s health.

Of most significance is how we handle adversity.

Adversity can both benefit and harm our personal development.

Do we let ourselves be overwhelmed by it or do we stand up to it, get through it and become stronger for it?

Recently I read a book by Laura Hillenbrand entitled Unbroken. It told the story of a World War 11 Army Air Corp bombardier named Louie Zamperini whose plane crashed into the Pacific Ocean due to engine failure. Louie found himself stranded on a tiny raft with two other men. Drifting for weeks and thousands of miles, they endured starvation and thirst, sharks and hugh waves. Finally, they are captured by a Japanese military boat. Louie is then sent to one of the cruelest Japanese POW camps under the control of Corp. Mutsuhiro Watanabe, a brutal sadist who repeatedly beats up and tortures Zamperini. It is an incredible tale of adversity and one man’s indomitable will to survive against insurmountable odds and who refused to be broken.

No one can control their life completely. There are times when we are out of control and when people and events come at us in unexpected ways.

The purpose of this blog is to point out the ways in which you can more effectively handle adversity. More »

02. October 2013 · 1 comment · Categories: Mental

Introduction

How many people do you know that are perfectionists? Do these people lead happy and fulfilling lives?

The answer to that question is some do whereas others do not.

There are two sides to perfectionism – one side is positive while the other side taken to the extreme can be negative and can be very damaging to one’s personal development.

This article will focus on the more negative aspects of perfectionism.

In my life, I have encountered and/or read about many individuals who were  brought up to be perfectionists. Some were athletes, some were entertainers and some were everyday citizens. Some of their stories were inspirational and some were tragic; others were in the middle of the spectrum.  More »

23. August 2013 · 2 comments · Categories: Mental

Low Self-Esteem

Low Self-Esteem affects all aspects of a person’s life.

Many people suffer from low self-esteem which impacts both their personal and professional life.

People with low self-esteem generally have difficulty making decisions and often enter into toxic relationships.

Low self-esteem can sabotage an individual’s entire life including their personal development.

The purpose of this blog is to share with readers ways in which they can build up their own self-esteem. More »